Procrastinating on homework, reading 9 fanfics and looking at 9 fanart, all while bobbing my head to the hypnotic rhythms of Deadmau5.

http://deadmau5.sandbag.uk.com/Store/DII-368-7-speech+bubble+(ladies).html This shirt, I want it so bad. WRYYYYY MUST THE AMERICAN DOLLAR BE SUCH EPIC FAIL?!
http://deadmau5.sandbag.uk.com/Store/DII-621-7-speaker5.html I want these speakers, too. X333

I will run around town in a Deadmau5 mask. I really will, if I can only figure out how to make it. I might even run around screaming "I'M A TECHNO FURRY!" just for the lulz. Maybe I'll do it for the next con I go to.

Oh yes... I decided to stay another semester, even though they might as well be asking me to shove bamboo under my fingernails. I just DO NOT want to go for 21 credit hours (7 classes) next semester. EPIC FAIL. *Cries*

BUT OMG YAAAAAY DEADMAU5! I MUST DANCE NAO!

I want to draw him fanart and send it to him. 83

If I may be blunt... I have never wanted to shut myself from the world as much as I have been lately. And no, it's not because I can't stand rude people, or because I can't stand the sound of other people talking.
No, it's because they're diseased. They know this, but they drag themselves around anyway, infecting everyone who gets in contact with them.

I came up with a theory about a month ago:
Epidemics become epidemics in Mexico because they don't have the resources and facilities for everyone to get treatment.
Epidemics become epidemics in the United States, all health debate issues aside, because the typical American has no sense of common courtesy. You'd think something as simple as covering your cough and washing your hands would kill some people.

A few weeks ago, some kid threw up on the back of the bus. I have a phobia of vomit (I must emphasize the word "phobia," since it gets tossed around a lot these days. But no, it's not a fear, it's a phobia, as in it somehow dictates and controls my life. I'm nauseated almost all the time), so the whole day was completely ruined for me.
People sitting behind me on the bus like to cough on the back of my neck.
Today, a girl came to class claiming to have the swine flu.
Mind you, provided she's not bluffing, she's not the first one to get tested positive for H1N1. They predicted an outbreak of H1N1 this semester, and it looks as though that prediction is truer every day.
Either way, whether she has H1N1 or just a stomach bug, the statement "I threw up, like, twenty times this weekend" should be a CLEAR INDICATOR that she should NOT be in class. I told her to go home, but she gave me this "but I caaaaan't because I already missed six days and the professor doesn't care, blah, blah, blah." I don't care. If your sick, STAY HOME!
A part of me wonders if these "tests" to determine it are accurate, since it seems to be spreading like the frikkin' BUBONIC PLAGUE. Then again, just as I said, people are filthy, so they're more liable to spread their filthy American germs.
And, of course, they find a cure, but nobody's giving it away to the public. Not that it's a sure-fire thing (I might wait to get it, if at all, since it's still experimental).

You know, it's a miracle I haven't gotten the flu, ever. Even without the flu shot, I somehow miss out on the seasonal flu. I did get the stomach flu at the beginning of this year, but that was because my brother got it, then gave it to ALL OF US. By the time it got to me, it was pretty mild compared to his, though there was a point I was so sick I just wanted to die.
However, this year I decided not to tempt fate and I got the seasonal flu shot. I got it through work and I actually got PAID to get it, so I figured "why not?" Still, that doesn't mean I'm protected from getting sick. This is a common college student phrase, but... I just don't have TIME to get sick!

You know... when they first came out with this whole "swine flu" thing, I was like many people who thought it was all a big hype. Turns out it's worse than I thought. Now I have to worry about THREE (seasonal, stomach, and swine) different kinds of the flu now? Great.

On a random note... what on earth happened to AFI's lead singer? He completely changed his looks and hair and now he looks like another Clay Aiken, American Idol contestant wannabe. LOL. "Medicate Me" is a pretty good song, though. Not sure if I wanna buy the album, though. It doesn't strike me like DecemberUnderground did for some reason.

But I did get Breaking Benjamin's new album "Dear Agony." Mmmmmm, sexyyyyyy. *Liiiiick* It is my ecstasy.

I should get Three Day's Grace's new album, too. Because YAAAAY TDG!

Uuuugh. Now I gotta study for this quiz tomorrow that I have (and pretty much everyone else in the class has) NO IDEA what the content means. Then I'm gonna go to bed early because I feel like crud. No, I'm not sick, (I hope *knocks on wood*) but I do feel sore, tired, and cranky. I shouldn't have even written this entry because I haven't studied yet and it's already getting late. But... ugh... I just needed to relieve some stress.

And we had green chili stew for dinner, which means I feel slightly better. And washing all my clothes, since you can never be too cautious. Especially these days.

HAY YU GAIZ! HAY SHIFTY! CHECK DIS OUT! http://www.arcamax.com/zits/s-624702-958302 LOL BINGO! XD *Dr. Evil impression* OMG, I haven't laughed that hard since I was a little girl.

Oh, and here's a little something I've been working on. They're not quite finished yet, but I finally managed to make a layout for some sites for Lozer Dawg and The Ink Brothers:

http://neuroticpanda.webs.com/lozerdawg/index.html
http://neuroticpanda.webs.com/inkbros/index.html

The only thing I've got up right now are the "characters" and "about" pages on the Ink Brothers site.

Blaaah, should really finish that documentary I was watching about Harvey Milk since I've yet to actually SEE Milk, and we get a visit from somebody who actually knew Harvey Milk AND is a former creative writing teacher of mine. Not the one I hate, the one who said to us on the first day of class "sorry about the lisp, I've had some dental work done lately. *Looks up thoughtfully* I love the idea of a gay man with a medically induced lisp."

Oh lulz.

Then I should eat a tuna sammich and toddle off to work.

Huhuhuhuhuhuhuh. Gay.

So I just got back from seeing 9 with an old friend from high school.

First impression: THOSE VISUALS. ARGH THOSE VISUALS ARE LIKE ORGIES FOR THE EYES. Yum. Buuuuuut, like most of the rest of the world, I thought the plot was a little weak, like a weak cup of tea; it was hard to savor the flavor. It was able to stand on it's own two feet and didn't try to be TOO extravagant, but there were definitely some things that could have been expanded on. It was just a little rough around the edges and just a little more work could have made it the masterpiece it deserves to be. After all, it was way too short and could stand to have some things expanded on here and there.
But like I said, I felt as though a more solid plot was sacrificed for the concepts, visuals, and action scenes. The visuals, though... oh, man! Usually I'm the first to completely bash the movie industry for using ONLY CG animation in movies, but this time I could see how it was necessary. It was certainly the world through a different lense, and it was as though you could just reach out and touch the characters, cautiously rummage through their world, and find little treasures (provided the machines don't get you first!). The machines were wonderfully designed using scrap pieces leftover from the human realm. There was so much though and love put into this world where these strange, animated rag dolls lived in. That is why I am disappointed the plot was short and weak, because the visuals were so amazing and had such potential for something bigger.
Nonetheless, I thoroughly enjoyed it. It was exciting, deep, and the characters were just wonderful. Each character had their own quirks about them that made them lovable in their own way, even 1, who was probably the most irritating, but even he comes through at the end.
I love 6. He's just so... so... KAAAAAAAHHH! I WANNA TAKE HIM HOME WITH MEEEEEE! おもちかえり！！！ Ahem. Yes. And who doesn't love the twins and 7? Seriously. Love those guys.
Other than the weak plot, my only real beef with the movie was how quick the characters would die. I mean, really? DX *Flail*
And although I'm glad they were able to get these big-name actors I personally don't care about, I'm not sure if they really added anything to the movie with their performances. After all, the short film did really well without any dialogue. So I guess the feature length movie could have stood less dialogue. Or more. Either one, really.
Still, considering this is Shane Acker's first full-length movie, I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and am anxious to see what he'll come up with next.
Worth it. So worth it.
I am a happy Cinda.

TL;DR - 9 visuals good, plot needs a little polishing. Needs to be longer.

ARRRRGH MUST DO ASSIGNMENTS BEFORE WORK.

RAAAWR!

HERE'S THAT ART STUFF!

( Art by Candy )

( Art by Tony )

( And some other crazy Comic Con stuff )

FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! *ZOOM!*

Thus far, I don't feel like killing myself, so I guess it's alright for now. *Brick'd for making bad jokes* But yeah. Classes seem alright so far. Nothing I'm ecstatic about. The only class that seems half interesting to me is Queer Texts... which is EXACTLY what you think it is. It's about texts that are anything but straight and conform to gender norms. I took it in part because I'm curious, in part because I reeeeeeally didn't want to take Shakespeare. Then there's also creative nonfiction. The professor in that one is the same one for my queer texts... this should be interesting. Then I've got a bunch of intro classes: linguistics, photography, and 3-D design. All for my major and minor. Sooo... yeah. Hope to take figure drawing and color theory next semester. Then I just have to take one more creative writing class and that'll be it for my bachelor's degree. Cool stuff.

Lozer Dawg is running every Tuesday and Thursday now, so all my art time has been focused on that. Though I can't seem to get the file size or the text size right. Nobody really told me, so I'm left trying to figure it out myself. That's embarrassing. But hey, at least it's getting PRINTED this time.
I'm also working on a new comic called "The Ink Brothers" which my editor seemed pretty... well, not thrilled, but interested, at least. In a nutshell, it's about these demons who "terrorize" the humans by changing one-way signs on the highway and stealing their cookies. They all have weird names like "Demo," "Kiosk," and "Carnival." I think eventually they'll be a "meanwhile" comic for Little Miss Murder, but for now they'll offer me breaks from Lozer Dawg and offer something new to the table. I'll try to upload the comics to dA. Right now they're only sketches. I hope to get Manga Studio to help me ink them, but it's taking forever for the new version to come out. XP I'm also trying to work on a site for the comics. Right now I'm using a free website service until I can shell out enough money for a domain name. Plus, the free site will give me the freedom and time to refresh my memory of HTML and CSS.

Lesse... Matt's being really irritating because he still thinks there's a chance we'll get together. He called me up one day to tell me about his new girlfriend. I congratulated him and told him I hope it works out between them. I was genuinely relieved and glad for him. No more than ten minutes later he starts with this whole "if you ever want to get back together..." I purposely haven't been answering his calls since then. That was two weeks ago, give or take. I am just so IRRITATED with him right now. That is so disrespectful to his current girlfriend. I mean really... what the crap?

Gamer comes out this Friday, for those of you who want to pay ten dollars to see Cinda as an extra. LOL.

And of course 9. Must... see... 9.

I wanna see Ponyo, too. Miyazaki is my Japanese god.

( This is boring, how about some art? )

The inside of my mouth has felt like I've been licking dry plaster all day. Eeeew.

Now I should reeeeeeally get to work on that assignment for creative writing. Blargh.

Sorry for not posting stuff about Comic Con. I have all the photos resized and all that good stuff. I've just been lethargic lately. I keep falling asleep, or I just sit around like a lazy lump all day playing Pokemon Silver, because that's about all I can manage to do most days. I've been eating and sleeping really well, so I don't know why I've been this way lately.
Buuuut anyway... that's the reason I haven't posted the photos from Comic Con yet. =P My apologies, but even getting up and turning on the computer requires too much energy lately. That, and looking at them gets me really neurotic and embarassed... but that's something else entirely.

I had today off for whatever reason so I went to the mall to find a sleeveless hoodie and maybe some outfits for school. All I found was plaid. I mean... WHAT THE HECK?! That's what I hate about clothes shopping as a girl... when something goes in style, it's impossible to find otherwise. Sometimes I just want to change my girly screenname and denounce my gender because it's IRRITATING! RAAAWR! Meh... at least with winter coming, I can live in my hoodies and feel more androgynous.

Whatever... maybe I'll go to Burlington Coat Factory tomorrow and try to find... SOMETHING.

And I'll also TRY TRY TRY to post those photos from the con before I go on vacation, or at least before school starts up. Photobucket and Firefox are being a 'tards now.

Right now... bed.

Lappy's being slow right now. >8C But at least I have Internet connection again. The neighbor and the coworker who gave me this housesitting gig unhooked the modem so I didn't have 'Net for a while. But at least I've been killing time by playing Pokemon Silver and watching DVDs while doing all the chores.

Life is better back at home. Just as I hoped, absence made the heart grow fonder and Mom isn't as tense about the fight. So that's good.

I also bought Coraline. Oh man do I love that movie, but before the DVD menu played, I spotted this preview that made my jaw drop:



Two words: DO WANT! DOWANTDOWANTDOWANTDOWANTDOWANTDOWANTDOWANTDOWANTDOWANTDOWANTITNAAAAAOOO!!! UH! So many awesome movies, I just can't contain myself. There was Wall-E, then Coraline, now THIS! I'm starting to have hope for the animated movies after all.

Oh Tim Burton, once again you show the world how animation SHOULD be. Mmmyiz. *Humps his leg*

Oh man, I saw some of it at Comic Con, but I wasn't sure what to make of it, but it seemed to follow in the tradition of Coraline... As in good animation and a WELL THOUGHT OUT STORY LINE that pushed the envelope of the genre known as "children's movies." Perhaps there should be a new genre. It will be known as children's cult movies and TV shows, because things like The Nightmare Before Christmas, Invader Zim, and Coraline fall into the market for children, more or less, but they're also big cult movies.

Still, it's things like this that make me think "I SO want to do that!"
Actually, when I showed Damon Bard my Little Miss Murder comic (one of the sculptors for Coraline), he said he'd love to make a sculpture of her. The idea of a stop-motion LMM movie seems so exciting! Oh man, THAT would be a dream come true, but first I need to sell LMM.

The epic Coheed and Cambria music makes me smile!

So other than the fact that I'm DYING OF HEAT EXHAUSTION, life is quite good.

Gah! I barely get home a few days and already I'm away from my bed again.

While I was on vacation at Comic Con, a woman I work with asked me if I would house-sit for her. Long story short, I'm away from my bed again. But at least I have m laptop and the family was nice enough to let me use their connection.

It will be nice to get away from my family, though since my mom is still tense from a fight we had before we left. >>

The only real bad things are the family allowed me full access to their fridge but there's NO FOOD. Not even milk, so I had to get some before work. That and there's a cat. I'm allergic to cats so my allergies are going nuts. I think as long as I stay in the guest room where the cat isn't allowed, I'll be okay.

Still... I miss my bed. =(

More on Comic Con soon.

Just got off the plane a few hours ago. San Diego was nice, but boy it's sure good to be home again. Mom left the computer on again so I thought I'd see what everyone's been up to recently.

Comic Con was amazing, but I'll have to tell you about that later since I'm pretty dead right now. I just wanted to kill some time while I fix the Cindara Candy made for me.

WHY DO I HAVE SO MANY FAVES?!

Ugh. Bed. *Gets new Looshkin plushie and crashes.* Mmmmm, my bed.

Augh! Comic Con is so close I can almost smell it! I'm so excited and terrified at the same time! But it's gonna be a blast, I know it!

I'm going to be cosplaying as Rena Ryuuga from Higurashi, if only for a day. I pretty much have all the pieces ready, I just have to attach the zipper and sew it all together. I also just ordered the wig to go with it. I FINALLY managed to find the perfect wig for it. The color's a little bright, but the hairstyle is JUST what I'm looking for. HEEE I'M SO EXCITED! This is great, considering my Zetsu cosplay FAILED last year because of our sewing machine, but my brother got a new one and I'm so ready to make cosplay things and plushies! X333

Maybe if I have time, I'll make her machete, too. X3

I was also gonna buy a panda hat from GenkiGang.com but they ran out of the ones with flaps. D8 Awwwww! Oh well. =P Maybe next time.

I've also been working like a crazy person on my Little Miss Murder sample comic. Though I'm starting to think the ink and pencil backgrounds was a bad idea. Maybe I should just make it pure black and white... maybe with light gray shading at best. I just really hate doing backgrounds. DX Pff, oh well, it's only a sample comic. At most, I expect some critiques on how to get better, some idea on where to go for art college, and then I'll do better next time! YOSH!

I also need to get more stuff printed for my portfolio. >>

*RANDOM STATEMENT OF THE DAY*

I should probably buy some bras before the con that don't ITCH so I'm not scratching myself the whole time. DX I have coupons for Victoria's Secret that gets me a free pair of panties with a $12 purchase or something.
I actually tried to buy Victoria's Secret underwear a few weeks ago, but I stood twenty feet from the entrance, chickened out at the last second, and ran away. XD I'm not making that up, isn't that sad?
What's really funny is I told a couple of my friends (both girls) this one and they both went "I'll go with you next time! 8D" Ahahaha, I am such a failure as a girl. XDDD

*RANDOM STATEMENT OF THE DAY END*

I finished Elfen Lied. D= Aww, no moar. I cried at the end. Waaaah. DX

And I started Pet Shop of Horrors. X3 Heeheehee, I do love Japanese horror anime. But that part with the rabbits giving "birth"? SO VERY WRONG! DX

THIS SONG IS SO SEXAAAAAAAAY!

( Memes )

Is cliched.

Is too simple.

Is too cute.

Is too morbid.

Is too anime.

Is too cartoony.

Is mediocre.

Is utter crap.

...

Lately, I've been thinking I should actually find the money to go to Ringling School of Art and Design and actually get a second degree in illustration. It'll take at least a couple of years, but maybe I'll manage to actually get REALLY GOOD at art. Not just good, not this "seen it a million times" good, not the sewage I dare call art now, but something to be proud of.
I wanted to go to art school and get REALLY good at art, and this is my chance. The cost might be outrageous, but with scholarships, maybe I can do it.
If nothing else, maybe I can at least get a semester under my belt and be that much better because of it.
These mediocre university art classes isn't cutting it for me.

It would help if my wrist didn't bother me every waking moment. Which is why I've been looking into that "Brown Hand" thing. It's supposed to relieve all my symptoms. If it means drawing as much as I want, I'll take it.

...

Hey, just because I feel like complete doom and gloom doesn't mean I have to be completely counter-productive.

Maybe I'll go draw while I still feel the passion then try to sleep. I hope I actually fall asleep this time.

IS DEAD!

HOLY CRAP!

I just heard when I went to work.

I have no emotional attachment to him whatsoever, but it is weird that a modern pop culture icon is no longer alive. This is just like when Steve Irwin died. You grow up knowing these guys, so it's weird to think they no longer among us.

I think I had a dream a while back that he died. I guess I've just lived as though he was already dead. Kinda like... you know it's coming, but you don't really think about it.

You know, I've never seen "Thriller." I feel out of the loop.

As for me... wow, it's been a while since I've updated this.

Sorry I haven't called you, Tony. Things have just been weird and busy lately.

Ummm... been having trouble sleeping all summer.

Wrist still bothers me, so I haven't been drawing as much as I wanted. Nonetheless, I'm still working on a Little Miss Murder comic for Comic Con and Lozer Dawg comics for the semester. It's just been slower than I would have liked... and slightly painful.

Stupid wrist.

I also made an animated mood theme of Tuson. I hope to decorate this journal with more Tuson soon.

Mmmmmmyup.

I am nothing.




I am nobody.




I do not exist.




Erase me.

http://www.geekologie.com/2009/03/percent_of_student_virgins_per.php

...

OH LUL.

Thank you [adult swim] and El Internet.

Granted my major is actually creative writing. But still.

Remember those Skullcandy headphones that I bought... not even a month ago?
Well, I was just taking them off my head when the darn things broke in two places... I don't even have that big a head, so I didn't even stretch them out that far. They just broke.
I even tried to fix them with a hot glue gun, but they wouldn't stay.
What's worse is I didn't even register for the product warranty, and I can't seem to find the manufacturer's number, so I can't register, anyway. And when I try to submit a warranty inquiry (as far as I'm concerned, it's a faulty product), the page won't give me a confirmation so I don't even know if it got through or not.

... Needless to say, I am really freaking upset right now. <:C I really really really liked those headphones. They were my sexy raver headphones, and now they're not sexy anymore. ... *Cries*

Hmmhmmhmmhmm. Busy, busy, busy. School, work. Blabity, blah, blah, blah. Amusing myself by watching YouTube videos after work.

Wait...

What...?

They dubbed Higurashi?

HOW DID I MISS THAT?!

Oh, I know. BECAUSE IT SUCKS!!! I'm usually not that critical of English dubs, but these are horrible:





LOL, ew. Somebody please redub this. I will gladly play any character, especially if it's Rena. I would love to play Rena because I'm certain I could do a better psychotic laugh than that chick. Seriously. Ew.　　

I've also been watching Digimon on YouTube lately. You guys remember Digimon? It was only like... the greatest show ever when I was in middle school.
It's all because I've been looking at the old comic Shifty and me made back then. XD I love reviewing how horrible that thing was, but I wouldn't trade that experience for anything in the world. Those were great times, before adulthood slapped us upside the head.
Still, I hope one day we can pick it up again and do it for real. Lately I've been obsessing over it lately. If my wrist hadn't been bugging me for the past few days, I would have drawn more Elemental stuff, though I did manage a few sketches. I've also been thinking in terms of plot. I've got a few good ideas that I think might work. But we'll see.
I also finally managed to organize all the surviving pages with nice sheet covers in a massive 2 inch folder and even another 1 inch folder. Sucker's ridiculously thick. Hehe, we had WAY too much free time back then.

It suddenly occurred to me that I could be having problems with my wrists because I might have diabetes. Recently I got this really weird rash on my neck, and I read somewhere that dry skin might be an early sign of diabetes... Eeeeeeeeep.
It's probably nothing to worry about, but I should probably see a doctor just in case. If nothing else I should at least see if they can help treat my poor wrist before it's too late. ;-; Waaaaah, I don't like it when my health deteriorates. I'm usually a really healthy person, I swear. Baaaaw, baaaaw, baaaaw.

Oh yeah, I lied in my last entry, because I ended up having a panic attack that night at work and a few days later, or even the next day, my face swelled up and Mom freaked because it might be MRSA again. It wasn't, thankfully, but I wore a Band-Aid on my face the first week of school. LOL, that's one way to make a first impression... look like someone punched me in the face. HAH! Hilarious! XD

At least all my classes seem pretty chill. I did NOT like my art teacher the first day, but I couldn't find another class, so I stayed with it. The first homework critique... oh, man! I wanted to crawl in a hole and die because I felt like everyone was a better artist than me. I'm not used to being the worst in an art class, but lately I seem to be catching up. Not to mention when the teacher walks around the class to help us, I get the impression that she actually LIKES me AND my art, and it ALWAYS catches me off-guard. When she compliments me and I thank her, I always have this goofy upward inflection at the end like I'm asking a question with an undertone of "you're complimenting ME? You must be mistaken!" Hmm, guess I was wrong on my first impression. Wow... guess it won't be so bad after all.
I do feel a little out of place in the class, though. It's hard to explain... I just don't quite feel like I "click" with some of the students like previous semesters. Oh well, maybe that'll change over time.

OOOH! Also, there's this one girl on the bus who I really think is hot. She has short strawberry blonde hair and wears makeup so it bring so much attention to her eyes, but I dare not look. They're both pretty and terrifying. I am absolutely scared to death to talk to her, though I can't stop thinking about her. I feel my face go red when she looks over.
I remember I just happened to see her once on the bus last semester and I couldn't get over how pretty I thought she was. I sat in the back and stared at her. She must have felt me looking at her because she would glance over, but I would turn away immediately and hope she didn't see me. When I got off, I was kicking myself mentally because I'm not the kind of person who easily falls for physical attraction. I'm aware of the dangers of that, of course. (Pretty they may be, but they might also be a huge jerk so, yeah.) But I was also thankful because I normally didn't ride the bus at that time of day. I was happy to get home and never think of her again. Out of sight, out of mind. Imagine my surprise when I saw her riding the same bus as me... almost every other day or something like that. She always catches me off-guard, too. I feel my heart stop for a minute as I watch her board the bus, and feel my face go red every time she looks my way, then kick myself when she gets off.
Well, darn... I just can't shake off that darn attraction I have to girls, can I? I just can't be a NORMAL hormonal-driven girl who gets gaga over every cute guy who looks my way, can I? I have never been like that, really. Even now, I'm still kinda... in my shell, I guess.
It's the kind of thing that I wish I really were an androgynous asexual instead of this frustrated little twerp that I am who doesn't really make an effort to chase guys, but is too scared to death to talk to girls.
Darn, darn, darn. This is always just irritating to me.
And if she IS aware of my existence (which I hope she isn't,) then she must think I'm some sort of freak.
Pffffffffffffft. =P Oh well, another pathetic crush to get over, eh? Heaven help me if I ever talk to her. O_____o;

I like being single, darn it! DX

Hah, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote... Nick happened to spot me while my art class was taking a little trip across campus. In all honesty, I'm irritated at him. Mostly because he never called, even when I left him a message and said "hey, I'm free all week, let's do something!" I thought he'd at least call me over break, but that never happened. He must have chickened out or something. He did call me the night after we talked, but I was taking a nap, so I missed it. =P I never let him know that I'm irritated at him, but eh. I should call him back, but I'm irritated because he got my hopes up that we were going to go on a date, or outing, or whatever. I've never been on an actual date before... well, except the pity date with Matt, and even he was a whiny little crybaby about it afterwords. To him, it wasn't a date, it was a casual date, or just an outing between two friends... though one of us was on the rag the whole time and it sure as heck wasn't me. XD I swear, I know guys who PMS worse than I do.

Blah. The dating world is annoying.

THAT'S ALL FOLKS

BECAUSE TYPING WITH ONLY YOUR LEFT HAND SUCKS!

And my back hurts. =P And it's past my bedtime. Good night. *Toddles off*

...

So let's say there is a God.

Let's say God gave me the talent and the drive to draw and write stories.

So my question is this...

Why would a loving God give me carpal tunnel? Or even any sort of variation of the disease?

As I type this, I am typing with my left hand, looking up things about carpal tunnel, resting my hand on an ice pack, wearing a wrist guard, and loosing sleep because I can't stop thinking about it. It's almost 6 AM right now.

You know... I try not to blame God for things. That was the old me. In fact, over the semester I learned about Heidegger and how he thinks that those inexplicable feelings you feel that is beyond human understanding such as love is proof of God. Kierkegaard believed that you should dedicate your life to one thing. One cause. Find what you're good at.

Grandma always told me that God gave me the ability to draw, and I was happy to believe her. Agnostic or not, I felt like my drawing was something beyond me... like a path to spirituality... like it was a means to touch what is untouchable to human hands. It is my life, my blood, and the continuing reason to why I get out of bed in the morning. Without art, I don't want to live anymore, and yet I don't want to die.

So... even when I finally feel closer to this mysterious being we call "God," things still seem just as bleak and upsetting as they did before.

So... the answer to my rhetorical question is... (pardon the oxymoron...)

Either God is very cruel or there is no God...

OH LOOKIE, QWIZ TYME! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!111one

BECAUSE I JUST DON'T WANT TO DO HOMEWORK RIGHT NOW!!!

AND I HAVE NO MOTIVATION TO DO ANYTHING ELSE!!!

I STOLE DIS FRUM U MEGGO!!!




SO!

... Life still sucks. I finally get a day where my art class is canceled and I can just go home and not worry about going to work. SO I get home happy that I've FINALLY got some free time to myself and not have to worry about homework, work, school, or ANYTHING! But I'm feeling a little tired. Not too much, just a little. So I lie down, thinking I'm only going to sleep for about 30 minutes to an hour, tops. And I think when I wake up, I'm going to do all kinds of things like draw, watch movies, play video games, etc. and just work on my homework later.
I fell asleep at around 2, 3-ish... when I woke up, it was dark out. I slept for a solid 4 or 5 hours or so. I guess that just goes to show you how awesomely BUSY I've been... and just because I'm in a ranty mood, here is my weekly schedule...

SUNDAY - Get up late after staying up late watching anime, and pretty much the ONLY time in the week I allow myself to watch TV, save for a half hour of Keith Olbermann and a little Adult Swim after work. Work on whatever homework I didn't finish. Leave for work at five, sometimes catching a quick hour nap before. Work until whenever. Come home, realize I forgot something for Japanese, then do that until I fall asleep until.

MONDAY/WEDNESDAY - Leave at about 9:30 for my 11 Japanese 101 class and struggle to figure out what on EARTH she's saying, eat lunch for an hour, go to drawing 102, have LULZ for about three hours, get home at about 5 at which point I'm so tired that I struggle to stay awake before dinner. After dinner, I do homework until I go to sleep.

TUESDAY/THURSDAY - Leave at 8 for my 9:30 class, get told that my stories suck because of the sheer fact that I am a student in creative writing, get over it in philosophy where many LULZ ensue once more, and grab a little sometime to eat since I can't have lunch. Then I loose that good mood in sociology, hurry home and arrive at about 2:30 or 3, SLEEP, shower, eat, go to work, and struggle to get some homework in-between because my Japanese teacher gives us homework EVERY BLOODY DAY.

FRIDAY - Have only Japanese, but I'm so tired from the week that when I get home, all I want to do is sleep. Then I shower, eat, and go to work.

SATURDAY - Because I'm working all week, this is really the only day I have to myself, WHICH I SPEND ALL OF IT WORKING ON HOMEWORK, save for the anime I'll allow myself to watch at night.

OH, AND NOW WE'RE OPEN AN HOUR LATER BECAUSE OF THE CHRISTMAS SEASON! JUST WHAT I NEED! LESS SLEEP, MORE STRESS, AND MORE WORK ALL DURING FINALS! HAPPY, HAPPY, JOY, BLOODY JOY!!!

I barely have time to draw. The only reason I'm drawing ANYTHING is because I need to for drawing 102, or on the bus, or during sociology (because her lectures bore me...), or when I get SO SICK of studying that I practically throw the book across the room and pull out my sketchbook, or when I don't want to/can't sleep. I only color things when I sneak it between writing stuff for creative writing. Needless to say, I'm EXHAUSTED! Physically and mentally. I just HATE this time of the year... I can't believe I have to deal with this for another three weeks. This semester cannot end soon enough. I've cried so much during the past two or three weeks, it's ridiculous.

Somebody please kill me...

SO YES, CHILDREN. THAT IS WHY CINDA HAS PRACTICALLY FALLEN OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. AND WHEN THE SEMESTER FINALLY ENDS, I'M GOING TO HAVE TO WORK LIKE A DOG BECAUSE CINDA IS STUPID ENOUGH TO STILL HAVE A JOB IN RETAIL DURING THE CHRISTMAS SEASON.

So y'know what? Pretend I don't exist for a while and I'll see you next year when things have calmed down a bit...

And today (well, it's yesterday now...) just sucked... even when I'm at home, I'm STILL being batted around by my family. My parents constantly have me running around doing chores and shopping for them and my brothers are just condescending little jerks who get a kick on pushing my buttons and making me feel like an idiot.

I just never get a break.

Ever.

UUUUUGH. Whatever. I'm tired. At least Higurashi finally came out! WHEEEEEE! And now I have to wait until February for the second one. BAW!

And Robot Chicken: Star War II is the best thing ever. I have never laughed so hard at an episode of Robot Chicken, and I LOVE that show. Somehow it's given me a completely random love for Boba Fett.

And yet I've never seen any of the newer Star Wars movies, and if I ever do, it'll only be to see Jango Fett. I've seen the first one made, of course. The ORIGINAL movies. I'm not a huge Star Wars fan, but I'll randomly have random bursts of fandom here and there. I'm a little ashamed I've never seen the prequels, though, even if they supposedly suck.

SHAME ON ME! XD

And I started playing Halo again. Ah, I forgot how much fun that game was. YAY, GRUNT KILLING!

ARGH. TIRED. SLEEP. NAO.